I guess if we go all the way back to the beginning we find I’ve had issues with boys from the beginning. I was 6 years old when we moved from TN to AL. I had my first crush and leaving him was the biggest hurt I felt. When we were back “home” after the move I went to see him, as he lived near a good friend of mine. I got the courage to ask him if I had a shot with him or if he’d ever think of me that way. I thank him for his honesty, but the words are as clear today as they were back then “lose 50lbs and get the moles off your face and I’ll think about it.” I couldn’t have weighed 50 lbs back then but I wasn’t a stick like the other girls either.
This made the move easier as I no longer felt I was missing out on anything, but looking back not much has changed from then to now about the men I fall for. Apparently always out of my league, too attractive, too “popular” and never interested in me. I’ve spent most of my teenage and adult life in the “friend zone” with most of my crushes. I’m not mad about it, I’ve ended up with some great friends, but it would be nice to find someone that might actually “love” me.
As I think I’ve said, I was married twice, but both of them seemingly wanted to be adopted not married. I hold NO ill will towards either of them and realize perhaps I’m the problem. Another reason for writing this, trying to figure out what/how to change to find different in the future. Until then, the image below is how I keep my heart.
![](https://www.bitingoffmore.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/heart-1024x940.jpg)